John Shirley Miller
I think it’s important for a person to follow his or her dreams, even when the obstacles seem insurmountable. Call me naïve, or cliché, but what’s the point of existing if you’re not pursuing something you genuinely enjoy? If a man with cerebral palsy wants to play the piano and works it out so that he can do so with his left foot, the rest of us have no excuses. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out MY LEFT FOOT with Daniel Day-Lewis immediately!) And there should never be shame involved with staging a coup on your dreams, no comparisons made to your friends’ and family’s lives. If your dream is to form the world’s first successful Barbershop Fart Quartet, I say go for it if it’s what you’re truly passionate about.
I’ve wanted to have a hand in making films since I was a kid; that’s not news to anyone. To do this, I knew one day I would have to make a journey to the Golden State. But a couple of minor inconveniences threatened to cock-block my great escape, and California was a vagina I very much wanted to immerse myself in. Here’s the top 5 setbacks that almost stopped my feet from touching down on Californian soil, in ascending order via list, to take up space in this column to make it seem like I wrote more than I actually did:
5. Money.
4. My mother.
3. My mother.
2. My mother.
1. My mother.
Money was definitely an issue, but it paled in comparison to the other four setbacks that almost prevented me from heading west. You see, my beloved MaMa and I had more than a few quarrels when I was growing up. For some reason, she was convinced I was a drug-addicted, whore-slapping hoodlum that would be on America’s Most Wanted within a few years. And then when I got to high school, she really started to crack down.
But then I went away to college, and although I don’t know if time heals all wounds, it definitely does an adequate stitch-job in most cases, and my mother began to miss me. And then somewhere along the line she realized that I wasn’t a whore or a crazy person. She had mistaken me for my sister. (I’m really going to pay for that one. Sorry Sue!) We began to get along, and she loved having me in close proximity so that we could see each other and hang out every once in a while. We had built our foundation up from the ground not on sand, yet also not on granite. I’d say the closest approximation I can muster is a foundation built on a firmer-than-normal graham cracker; it was a cracker this cracker was about to break.
One day I woke up and decided I was going to move to Los Angeles, almost without warning. I wasn’t really worried about leaving people behind, because I like to think my relationships thrive on something deeper than a close physical proximity. But my mother was a different story. I knew if I told her I was moving to the west coast, I might get slapped with a manslaughter charge due to giving her a premature heart attack. So I had to think outside of the box in how I would gently cut the old lady loose.
My mom’s a teacher, I was a teacher (for about 20 seconds), and I knew that she had a deep-rooted love for education. BINGO. I decided to make up a story about “taking a summer class”, which was actually the truth. I was going to take a summer class in Los Angeles, I just left out the part about how I wasn’t coming back…
After a lot of begging, prodding, and going to countless movies with my mother, she was ready to let me go to L.A. for the month and a half I would be gone to take the class. I kissed her goodbye, my mouth still remembering the taste of her tears even now, and I boarded the plane. Three months later, my mom figured out that I wouldn’t be coming home for Thanksgiving because the east coast was no longer my home, in the traditional sense.
She cried again, as mothers do, but through the waterworks, unexpected words of encouragement emerged. ”I know you have to follow your dream,” she cried. “I love you.” If it had been in a movie, I would have laughed at the melodrama, but this was my life, and it was a moment I took seriously. The ability to let someone that you love go in order to let them pursue their dreams is selfless, dangerous, and bold. I have both my mother and my father to thank for their bravery and unwavering support, but it brings me to a more important point.
It’s a cliché to tell someone to follow their dreams. But it’s not a cliché, in fact, it’s a growing rarity for people to actually do it. There are a million excuses to be made for not doing something. “I’ll do it later.” “This person would be too hurt if I did it.” “I’m too old.” “I don’t have what it takes.” Blah, blah, fucking blah. My excuse was my mother. But at the end of the day, I realize now there would have been a greater, longer-lasting sadness if I had stayed put to protect the ones I loved. They wouldn’t have had the real John Shirley among them. They would have had the shell of a man with a flicker of a dimming light soon-to-be extinguished. I’m sorry this week’s column is getting a little serious, and perhaps a smidge dramatic. But I feel it’s my duty to shake you the fuck up if I can.
Don’t be afraid of yourselves. Do what you really want to do, because there may be no tomorrow. That’s not an expression, it’s a fact. It is completely possible that there will not be a tomorrow. So start that single step towards your dream NOW. Literally, after you click off of this page. And if you really do want to be in a Barbershop Fart Quartet, I may just have an opening for yah.
Dude. This blog couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Your words have strengthened my resolve in the path I have chose at a time where I have been doubting myself. I also want to thank you for reaching out freshman year of high school to be my friend I apologize for not coming to your birthday party that year!
Great columns, John! Keep it up!
Keep up the good work QT. It’s always a good read and I look forward to the next one.
John, I have watched from the sidelines as your life has played out as you have described it in your article…you have taken me way back…and I am remembering details of situations and sitting here cracking up…and yes, I have listened to your mom pour her heart out when you were leaving for college & Cali, but the one thing she always said was, “I hate that he is leaving..I love him and will miss him so much..I love him more than you’ll ever know..more than he’ll ever know..but I do know that he needs to follow his dream and I am so proud of him that he has the courage to do that.” …and as far as Sue is concerned, she is going to kick your ass for that comment!! lmao!! Great Article!! Keep up the Good Work!! Love Ya!!
John, I have watched from the sidelines as your life as played out as you have described it in the article. You have taken me way back. I’m remembering details and sitting here cracking up. And, yes, I have listened to your mom pour her heart out when you were leaving for college & Cali, but the one thing she always said was, “I hate that he’s leaving. I love him & will miss him so much. I love him more than you’ll ever know..more than he’ll ever know. But I do know that he needs to follow his dream & I’m so proud of him that he has the courage to do that.” …as far as Sue is concerned, she’s gonna kick your ass for that comment! lmao! Great Article!
John, great article!!
YES, JERI… HIS ASS WILL BE MINE ONE DAY!! OH, BROTHER DEAR… YOU & I ARE GONNA HAVE WORDS WHEN WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN… YOU SHOULD REALLY NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR SIBLINGS’ PERSONAL SHIT (THAT HAPPENS TO BE POSSIBLY A LITTLE EMBELLISHED UPON BY THE AUTHOR, BRO…) THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW..HOWEVER, THAT BEING SAID…
I AM STILL EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOUR FREE SPIRIT & YOU DO INSPIRE MANY..
I AGREE WHOLE-HEARTEDLY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE SAID BRO.. YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE EXCUSES TO PREVENT YOU FROM LIVING YOUR DREAMS…
I FOLLOWED MY DREAM.. I INITIALLY WANTED TO BE A PHARMACIST FOR THE LONGEST TIME.. HOWEVER, IT JUST FELT TO CONFINING TO ME & I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THAT I WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO HELP OTHERS.. AND INSPIRE OTHERS AS WELL..
I THEN WAS TOLD BY MY NOW DECEASED GRANDMOTHER ‘MIMI’.. ” YOU ARE SOO SMART YOU SHOULD BE A DOCTOR”. MY FOCUS WAS ALWAYS IN SOME FORM OR FASHION GOING TO BE IN HEALTHCARE, BUT DIDN’T REALIZE IT UNTIL I WAS A YOUNG MOTHER OF 22….
YOU SEE.. I DID THINK I WANTED TO BECOME A DOCTOR BECAUSE THEY SAW PATIENTS & TOOK CARE OF THEM… UNTIL I WAS 22YRS OLD, WITH A SMALLER INFANT, AND BECAME A PATIENT WITH A VERY SERIOUS & CHRONIC INCURABLE ILLNESS…AND WAS HOSPITALIZED WITH AN EMERGENT SURGERY THAT TOOK A HUGE TOLL ON ME.. MY BODY, MY MIND, AND MY SPIRIT.. THE MD’S WERE GREAT, BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING WHEN I WOKE UP…
IT WAS ACTUALLY THE NURSES THAT TOOK CARE OF THE PATIENTS AND KEPT THE MD ABREAST OF ANYTHING ADVERSE OR CONCERNING (NOT TO KNOCK A-N-Y OF MY DOCTOR FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES…).
IT WAS THEN THAT I KNEW WHAT I WAS SET OUT TO BE.. I WANTED SOMETHING I COULD BE PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM, AS WELL AS MY FAMILY & FRIENDS.. I BECAME A NURSE.. IT TOOK A-L-O-T OF FUCKING BUMPS IN THE ROAD, 2 FAILED MARRIAGES & 3 CHILDREN 5 SURGERIES FOR MY CONDITION (& BTW- NURSING SCHOOL ACTUALLY DID ALMOST KILL ME), HAVING 2 WITHDRAW FROM NURSING SCHOOL FOUR MONTHS BEFORE GRADUATING (DUE TO COMPLICATIONS FROM A SURGERY & BLOOD INFECTION) AND HAVING TO SEE MY PEERS GRADUATE & MOVE ON WITH OUT ME.. THAT HIT HARD & ONLY MADE MY REOLVE STRONGER.. I WAS ALLOWED TO COMPLETE MY LAST YEAR THE FOLLOWING YEAR & GRADUATED IN 2007.. ALL THROUGHOUT COLLEGE, HELPING 87 PRE NURSING STUDENTS BY TUTORING THEM IN CHEMISTRY WITH A 99% PASS RATE (OF STUDENTS) IN CHEMISTRY ACHEIVING AT LEAST A ‘B’ OR BETTER IN THEIR CLASS…
WHILE IN A FAILING MARRIAGE, WORKING FULL-TIME, RAISING 2 SMALL GIRLS (UNDER 7YRS OLD) & HAVING A SERIOUSLY DEBILITATING INCURABLE ILLNESS..
IT WAS AT THAT MOMENT, THAT I KNEW I HAD AN ILLNESS THAT WILL ALWAYS CONTINUE TO TRY TO BREAK MY SPIRIT… I JUST CAN’T AND WON’T LET THAT GET TO ME, AND WILL KEEP FOLLOWING MY DREAMS TOO!!!
I HOPE AFTER YOU READ THIS, IF YOU FINISH IT.. YOU ALL TAKE ON WHATEVER CHALLENGE YOU CHOOSE, FOR WHAT YOU BECOME IS C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y UP TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US.. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, AND BRO.. KEEP UP THE ARTICLES, I LOVE YOU AND GOOD LUCK!!! (I AM STILL GONNA KICK UR ASS WHEN I C U THO!)
But Johnny, you had an advantage. You knew what you wanted to do. How about if your dreams change daily? That’s my deal.
Take supreme advantage of your advantage my man. Follow that dream. Even if you don’t catch it, I’m sure you’ll run into a few surprises along the way that are even more valuable than what you were seeking in the first place.
John “Shirley,” Yes, I was upset about you going to California, but
I knew that you had to follow your dream! I would always encourage you to do what is in your heart because I truly believe you will succeed. Although I love and miss you soooo…much, I understand you need to achieve your goals and dreams. Your father did what he wanted and I followed my dreams. Now, it is your turn, but please know I will always be there for you whenever you need me. I am truly very
proud of you as a person and what you are doing in your life!!!
I think if dreams change daily, to follow each one individually each day. Like you say, you never know where it’ll lead anyways, so I’d ride each dream as they come. It all leads to experiences one would never have if he or she didn’t pursue dreams at all.
Barbershop Farttet you mean.
As for the daily dream changer–what John said. Be here NOW, now, now, now and now and now…etcetera etcetera.
John, timely, thank you.
You are never wrong for following your visions of your heart.